Strata Leadership materials define patience as taking the time necessary to work through a difficult situation.

Google defines patience as the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.

Wikipedia goes more in-depth and describes patience as the ability to endure difficult circumstances such as perseverance in the face of delay; tolerance of provocation without responding in annoyance/anger; or forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. Patience is the level of endurance one can have before negativity.

What is my level of endurance before becoming negative?  That gave me something to think about.

Recently, I came across something I wrote towards the end of 2018 consisting of random short sentences about things going on at that time.  One of the sentences I wrote stated there was a project that was failing to meet the expectations that I desired.  That in and of itself is not that interesting, but what I found interesting was that now, two to three months later, I don’t even remember what I was referencing.

As I reflected on the character trait of patience, it made me wonder: how often do I allow small annoyances and irritations to impact my sense of well-being when twenty-four hours or two months later they are forgotten?

Author Robert Fulghum summarizes this as “Life is lumpy. A lump in the oatmeal, a lump in the throat and a lump in the breast are not the same kind of lump.  One needs to learn the difference.”

As we reflect on the character trait of patience, one of the first steps is to recognize the difference between a temporary lump in life and a truly difficult lump in life.

My office at City Hall has windows facing the intersection at 76th and Main.  Periodically, I hear screeching of tires and blaring of a horn, but the day I heard yelling is the day I took the time to look out the window in time to see cars stopped at a red light and a man walking away from the driver side of a car heading back to his own vehicle.  I don’t know what may have caused this individual to exit his car on 76^th street and proceed to yell at another driver, but I am going to guess it was a strong reaction to a temporary lump.

It is easy to judge others when we observe what we see as a lack of patience.  But what is not as easy is to gauge our own lack of patience.  Major life events can be a challenge, but the easiest to identify, and maybe the hardest to address, are the small habits and preferences that lead to a lack of patience.  What annoys me, what frustrates me, what is the root cause for my lack of patience in any given situation?

Am I tired, am I stressed, have I over committed, or over-scheduled myself, are there time constraints that I feel are outside of my control?  Am I facing disappointments, am I feeling unorganized, am I unwilling to appreciate the differences in others, and value them for their strengths?  Am I so entrenched in my own opinion that I am not willing to see others point of view?  Am I so ingrained in my plans and direction that I cannot adapt to change?  I hate to admit, but on any given day, it could be any of these.  And even though my outward appearance may not always reflect my lack of patience, I know my inward emotions are not reflective of being patient.

When we take the time to identify and control our response to the daily setbacks or minor life challenges, we can build and develop the patience needed for major life events.

As I reflect on the character trait of patience, I am reminded that, without patience, my attitude won’t reflect the grace, gratitude, and gentleness that I want to display.  And that is reason enough to consistently work on the character trait of patience.

Originally published in the Owasso Reporter